Spring Update

We've had some great memories the past several weeks. Easter, birthdays, fishing... We are enjoying the sunshine (and enjoy listening to the rain). I cannot believe how quickly the days are going by.

Mitchell is becoming more affected by the chemo. This last round of temodar ended with two puke bucket cleanouts, which really is nothing compared with so many other children. His other chemo--irinotecan--is progressively causing more nausea as well. He is amazing (once again) in how bravely he handles everything. All he says is, "Mom, my tummy hurts. I'm going to 'pook'," and then he does and it's all over; no whining, crying, or complaining. He is such an example to me and I hope I can be like him someday/everyday.

He has a strange obsession with death lately. I'm not sure if it's coincidence, or if he's understanding/hearing more than we think he is. He constantly is saying, "I/We don't want to die. We want to be together forever," and "Jesus saves us/takes care of us/was recognized (his word for resurrected)." He has also reminded us & Jackson (as if we need reminding) to pray that he will get all better and not be sick anymore. He wants SO badly to run and play normally again--I can see it in his eyes. And then, at the same time, some days it's too hard to try. I, personally, want VERY badly to see him regain the ability to move easily without pain and struggle. The other day we were at the park and he had many friends there who he desperately wanted to keep up with. I helped him get to where they were, and he played for a short while with them and then the other kids were off onto something else and I saw Mitchell, standing alone. I asked him why he didn't at least try to leave that spot and he said his legs hurt. The other children are really so kind to him. They want to play with him, but they are after all just children with limited attention and focus. Mitchell never complains and contents himself with talking with me or playing with Eden. Whenever anyone comes to the door he bolts from wherever he is and runs to talk with them. Today we were celebrating our little cousin's birthday and the three cousins (including Jackson) were outside playing while Mitchell, sitting next to me, was looking out the window watching them. Moments like that I can feel my heart tearing for him. But again, he never says a word about it. Right now I am getting teary-eyed. I love this little boy so, so, so very much and I'd do anything to see him whole again.

Not to add to the downer note of this post, but my mother-in-law shared with me something that happened yesterday. She was doing a puzzle with Jackson and Mitchell and after a while Mitchell got down from the table to go do something else while Jackson continued. Outside sirens sounded and Jackson jerked up with a panicked look on his face and started frantically asking, "Where's Mitchell? Where's Mitchell? Are they coming to get him?"

I hope I'm not too depressing today. We still feel a lot of peace, faith, and hope. That doesn't mean that emotions aren't raw and difficult sometimes. As a mother it is my sacred responsibility to care for these little ones the best that I can because our Father in Heaven entrusted them in my care. For me it is SO hard that I cannot do anything for my little boy but continue to have faith and enjoy the moments. Occasionally I get knots in my stomach and feel like I'm going to throw up because fear begins to overwhelm me, but in those moments the comfort and peace from Heavenly Father also combats the fear and I am able to rise above the darkness. I am so grateful for how the Lord has carried me/us through this challenge.

Despite my depressing ramblings, I do want to inform you all that Mitchell is doing great. Someone commented to me today how he thought Mitchell was one of the happiest kids he's ever met and I would agree. He is truly a very special little boy and I feel so privileged that I get to be in his presence each day. He's walking well enough. It's hard to remember sometimes how far he has come.


The big news is we have his next MRI this Friday morning. Please send your prayers his way. The next couple MRIs should be revealing. As always we appreciate your love, prayers, and support!

His first fish!

These two brothers love each other very much. Mitchell's laying on Jackson's back while Jackson plays gameboy.

The dyeing of the Easter eggs.

Beautiful Easter morning...baskets.

Our Easter family at Grandma's and Grandpa's.